unmanageable

[[ Wish for release. ]]

we have all 

come to the conclusion

I am entirely 

unmanageable

if I had

someone who would kill me

I just can't make myself 

go to the trouble

all I hear is

the sound of the universe 

humming

all I want is

a death that I never see

coming

we have all 

come to the conclusion

I am entirely 

unmanageable

intentional love song 3: not that it's true

[[ she (or he?) wants a change in the dynamics of their relationship or a change in herself (himself?) or she/he wants to leave him/her or she wants a sex reassignment or she wants to attain nirvana or she wants to kill herself or... ]]

what if I wanted

-- not that it's true --

to vanish forever?

what would we do?

what if I wanted

-- not that it's true --

to change... 

man to woman,

woman to man,

what would we do?

who would be who?

what if I wanted

-- not that it's true --

it's a simple thought experiment 

between me and you

what if I wanted

-- not that it's true --

to vanish forever

from you?

what would you do?

what if I wanted

nothing at all?

I am standing on the edge of this world

will you help me let go of this girl?

do you love me 

enough to let her go?

who wants 

a girl who wants

nothing at all?

who wants a girl... who wants a girl?

who wants a girl... who wants a girl?

who wants a girl... who wants a girl? 

if I were a saint

if I were a saint

I would smile as you slipped

you would smile as you slipped

your sword through my heart

how we would be

in a painting of us

I would smile as we slipped

your sword through my heart

Bang

Bang.

Remember me?
I'm the girl next door

I'm the girl you want
I'm the girl you want to

Bang.

I'm a girl you used
I'm a girl you used to

Bang.

Know how it is
Know how it is

Know how it is

I was born dead, baby.
Or I died of disease
I was carried off by lions
Or I was left out to freeze

Bang.

I was raped at twelve
a mother at thirteen
I was bred again at fourteen
and a corpse at fifteen

Bang.

Know how it is
Know how it is

Know how it is

Or I was married off early
to some man from the town
I met him when I wed him.
They had to tie me down.

Bang.

Or I was sent to the kitchen,
or the cellar, the attic,
I was banged in them all
till I hanged myself out back

Bang.

Know how it is
Know how it is

Know how it is

I was sent to the factory,
or warehouse or workhouse
I ran off one night for
asylum in the whorehouse

Bang.

I was beaten to death
for my terrible crime
but not till the bastards
banged me one last time

Bang.

Know how it is
Know how it is

Know how it is

I am
the dust
you breathe in,
you breathe out
every day.

I am
your family
confession
written in
your DNA.

you don't know how it is
I hardly know
I hardly know myself

You don't know how it is
Know how it is
Know how it is

Know how it is

Bang.

[[ There is no coherent narrative intended. It's not about one girl, so details of the story differ. The girl in one line dies one way and dies another way in another line. It's a series of images. If it was a video, you'd see different scenes, different girls, different ages, different eras, different circumstances, but always girls being mistreated. "I'm Every Woman" being abused, married off, enslaved, beaten, raped, killed. Maybe that last bang is her putting a bullet in someone. ]]

certain situations

you find yourself	you have yourself	you find yourself	you make yourself
some mornings	a couple	afternoons	say something
in the kitchen	eggs and bacon	elbow to elbow	promise progress
watching someone	mumble something	with working people	to a  roomful
you don't know	go to work	you don't know	of unknowns

and where do you drive to now? 

you can't go home

it is not home

the quiet crawls the length of your back

you cannot work

it is not work

the seasons roll past airtight windows

you want to fill your pockets
with the pebbles of the beach
and measure out the pier

and one step more

it's dark down there

it's deep enough
to do the job
just long enough